Lights, Camera, Action!

Today, we’ll be watching the match-up between two trailers, both having one thing in common: Giant sharks wrecking havoc on the world.

The first is Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

The second is Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

So, the question remains: Which is worse?

Round 1: Writing

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon – Like most trailers in this B-movie genre, it begins with a voiceover. “It” lived through the ice age, and lived in darkness, and wasn’t disturbed until now. At this point, a giant shark tooth is found near a beach, and a giant shark begins wrecking havoc on the community. The great script-writing can be seen in lines like “We’ve got a 60 foot shark swimming off our coast and it’s not going to go away!”.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus – Similarly to Shark Attack 3, this also starts with a voiceover. But, this one has a twist. Instead of living through the ice age, these two beasts got frozen… in combat. And, they’re seemingly VERY angry at each other. Why? I don’t know, nobody tells us! Anyways, these two giant aquatic beasts wreck havoc; destroying battleships, eating oil tankers, and jumping 70 000 feet in the air to take down a 747 (wait… WHAT!?!?). So, after letting them wreck havoc for a while, Debbie Gibson (more on her later) says that “we’ll get them to kill each other!”

Round-Up: This round easily goes to Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, for the sole reason that Shark Attack 3, while very implausible, is humanly possible, seeing that Megalodons did exist, and, while not logical, it is possible that one could’ve made it through the ice age. A giant shark and octopus that are about 20 times the length of battleships, on the other hand, not exactly the most plausible thing out there.

Round 2: Star Power

Shark Attack 3: This movie has no real big names, casting fairly unknown actors. Normally, this can add to a movie’s hype and overall interest-factor (most recently, see District 9), but, in a movie with a plot that is meant to not be taken completely seriously (at least, I know I didn’t take it seriously), sometimes it’s more helpful than a hindrance to have some big name comedy stars to help it through.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus: Debbie Gibson… Lorenzo Lamas… For those of you who were alive and knowing of pop culture during the 1980s, I probably don’t need to say more. For the rest of you, Debbie Gibson was most famously a pop star in the ’80s, but, she’s apparently an actress as well! Lorenzo Lamas, on the other hand, is a TV star, most recently being in The Bold and the Beautiful.

Round up: While it may be a VERY interesting match-up between Gibson and Lamas, this round has to go to Shark Attack 3, for not having any stars to help improve the monstrosity that is that movie’s writing.

Round 3: Special FX

Shark Attack 3: The “special effects” in both these cases are based mostly on the monstrous beasts in question, and, in this trailer, the shark actually looks fairly realistic, from the tooth that is found near the beginning, to the shots of it underwater. Despite this, it’s clearly far from Jaws. For example, in the shot where the shark eats the boat, it looks more like a stuffed animal than a threatening creature (stop me if I’m the only person who thinks this).

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus: Similarly to the plot, it seems like these creatures were created during an hour long period by some university student who had nothing better to do. Not only do they not look realistic, but, they don’t look very threatening (granted, it may have something to do with their size in comparison to everything else that gives them their frightening appearance, but, I digress). Plus (and I can’t stress this one enough), a shark CANNOT jump      70 000+ feet in the air and take a plane out of the sky!!!

Round-Up: Once again, it seems that the pure lack of realism of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus will help it take this round. I think that the trailer alone helps me with my reasoning!

In the end: Winning 2-1, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus seems to clearly be the worse movie of the two here. But, I definitely do not recommend watching EITHER of these movies, because they both seem to be terrible!

Keep on watching (but, I’ll forgive you if you skip these two),

R.S.